Sh** they don’t tell you about depression…
So one thing I’m coming to terms with admitting without cringing recently is that I suffer from depression. Now don’t freak out on me (people have done that a lot), or pity me (I don’t need that either), I’m not really sad all of the time, I’m not suicidal and I’m not going to bore you completely! It’s far more common than you realise and because of the different severities you may even have suffered/ or do suffer from it yourself without realising.
After finding out one of my close friends also has recently been diagnosed with depression, we got talking about how we felt and what it does to you. So here’s a little list of some things we discovered…
WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT DEPRESSION
You’re sleeping pattern goes completely out of the window
OH MY GOD, I feel like I’m always tired. And not just ‘grown up’ tired… like when did I ever feel awake? I can go from doing nothing but sleeping and napping to being awake till 4 in the morning contemplating every decision I have made in my life that would result in the way I feel.
Conflicts can escalate extremely quickly
Get cut up by a moron on the road? I’ll run you to the ground you *ss. Spill your brew down yourself? You feel like NOTHING else could possibly go wrong because your life is such a mess. When something happens or someone confronts you, it escalates so quickly and your defense mechanism goes through the roof.
You’re not necessarily sad
Sometimes, yes, you’re sad, deeply sad. But a lot of time you’re void of emotion completely, you just feel numb. And then like switching on a light *click* you’re happy! Like ECSTATIC!! But then BOOM you’re sad again. It’s like having PMS multiplied by 1000 times and suddenly everything makes you cry and you feel hopeless and worthless. Being depressed doesn’t just mean you’re ‘sad’.
Sometimes you can’t even face the people you love most
This is by far the hardest thing to come to terms with. Surely when you’re ‘sick’ or ‘upset’ the people you want to turn to are your friends or family. Sometimes having your family and friends there for support is great. But sometimes you just don’t want to speak to anyone. You want to lock yourself away and never speak again. You find yourself cancelling plans with friends, not wanting to leave the house, not wanting to be around family. And this is okay! Sometimes you need that time to yourself, to wallow if you want to, just cry it out or mindlessly watch Sex and the city re-runs.
There’s rarely a reason for it
There isn’t always a reason. Almost always it’s triggered by emotional stresses in your life, but after it’s been triggered those chemicals in your brain are going crazy. You find yourself grasping at straws and wondering if losing that promotion or ruining your car is seriously serious enough to have caused you to suffer from depression? STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF. You cannot control what sets it off, the chemicals are there in your brain already acting all loopy. But now you know you suffer from the big D (haha yes I’m hilarious), you can work on yourself, make yourself happy and do what it takes to get you back there. This could be exercise, meditation, tablets, counselling, do what it takes and don’t feel silly for trying.
It’s not your fault
Not many people will turn round to you and say ‘we know this isn’t you’re fault’ or ‘you can get through this’. A lot of people will just ask ‘why are you depressed?’, ‘who made you depressed?’, ‘what’s wrong with you?’. THIS IS NOT HELPFUL. There isn’t always a reason, no one MADE you like this, and NOTHING is wrong with you. You shouldn’t be ashamed to say, even to yourself, ‘I am depressed’. This is not something you have willed on yourself, and you can get past this if you take the right treatment and give yourself a break. Ignore anyone who judged you or just tells you ‘or you’re just a bit emotional’ or ‘you’re over-reacting’. Show them that despite the fact you suffer from depression you’re not weak, in fact you’re stronger than they think.
So there’s some stuff about depression. The thing is, it’s completely different for everyone, some people get it a lot worse, and some not as bad, so maybe not everyone will feel like this. If you think you may be depressed please, I cannot stress enough, get some help and don’t be ashamed to ask for it. I finally picked up the courage to ask and I felt ridiculous, but now I’m on the road to controlling it, and I have my bad days, heck I have awful days, but now I have good days too and the right support. And if you know someone who suffers from depression, please don’t freak out or ask silly questions like ‘what’s wrong with you?’. All you have to do to be supportive is treat them like the normal human being that they are.
Anyway, thank you for reading this, I hope you’ve learnt something from this blog!
Bye for now! x